Aa recovery and dating
And you’ll often hear sayings, like, “Odds are good that you’ll meet somebody, but the goods are odd.” And I couldn’t agree more. You gonna focus on recovery.”“Well that sounds boring,” I said.When I relapsed for the umpteenth time and ended up with a militant black lesbian for a sponsor, she was very clear that I was not going to fuck my way through the rooms this time around.“Baby, you only going to go to women’s meetings and gay meetings,” she said.“But how am I going to get laid going to women’s meetings and gay meetings? But I had just come out of a psych ward, and had also just cracked my head open when I fell backwards after having a grand mal seizure when my meds were changed, so I was wiling to try it another way.In working with the spouses and significant others of addicts, I’ve often heard it said, “I’d rather be an addict than love one.” While few people would ever walk eyes-wide-open into a chronic disease like addiction, the statement speaks to the confusion, loneliness and despair common not only among addicts but also the men and women who love them. In fact, addicts who are solid in their recovery can make excellent partners.A history of addiction doesn’t necessarily turn Mr./Mrs. They’ve waged a courageous battle, spending a great deal of time working to take care of and improve themselves.I guess I still liked hanging around screwed up people, even if I wasn’t using. I still found something sexy about it.”The Big Book doesn’t specifically state that dating is forbidden in the first year of sobriety, but you’ll hear this suggestion bandied around the rooms plenty of times. Christine Milrod, a sex and life coach in LA, suggests that this is because “many people in recovery have previously used for so long that they have no idea of who they truly are.They need to get to know themselves on a very deep level and enjoy self-acceptance before rushing into a sexual relationship.” She advocates psychotherapy for examining past behaviors and coming into the self-acceptance necessary for entering into healthy relationships.When they were drinking and using, they may have grown used to doing whatever it took to cover up, excuse, or engage in their addictive behavior.
I would go to a Saturday women’s meeting in Crenshaw for lesbians.
Because of this, some PIRs may have developed trust, intimacy, or abandonment issues.
As a result, they might view dysfunctional relationships as normal and seek out these types of unhealthy relationships in their new sober life, unless they are made aware of what they are doing and work diligently to release and heal their past.
So when you break up with somebody, don’t be surprised when they end up dating your sponsor or sponsee.
Dating in the program is like fishing in a small toxic pond.