Young widowed and dating
Most of all, I worry about the impact dating will have on my young children. Would a life of loneliness and sexual frustration make me a more honorable widow? But as I look back on the joy I shared with my husband during our three short years of marriage — the late-night talks, dinner dates in Georgetown, trips to the John F. I gave birth to two beautiful children and am modeling to them hope in the face of adversity. Some lucky man will have the privilege of shaping these young lives.Sometimes I wonder if dating is worth jeopardizing my children’s peace and stability. Kennedy Center, family vacations to the Grand Canyon and Hawaii, long walks on the beach, holding hands, making love on a rainy day, raising children, love — I know it’s a worth the risk. And the right man — a mature man — will be able to look past the stretch marks on my stomach and the wounds on this widow’s heart and see something worth taking a risk for, too.If a scene could sum up some of my first thoughts after my husband died last year at age 28, it would be the scene in the hit BET series “Being Mary Jane,” when Robinne Lee’s character, Avery, lifts up her shirt exposing her stomach full of stretch marks. She had two kids and the body to prove it, and reentering the dating scene seemed too much to handle. Avery had just found out her husband had cheated, and was wrestling with the decision whether to leave or stay.
My faith and the support I received from my church family helped sustain me after my husband’s death; they cried with me, laughed with me, cooked for me and prayed for me. Knowing the rules may make me more prudent, but it hasn’t allayed my fears. After all, I want my kids to grow up knowing who their father was and what he meant to me. My in-laws and my husband’s friends will be around.Romantic love is a central expression of a good, meaningful, and flourishing life.Without love and desire, many people feel that a large part of them is dead.This is where I stand, as I consider dating once again. Gabriel developed epilepsy from a traumatic brain injury he sustained after being hit by a drunk driver 10 years prior, and he died from something known as Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy (SUDEP). He was a minister of music, a gifted singer, drummer and pianist; I am a Christian minister, and was the guest preacher.It was two days after our third wedding anniversary. He told me he knew I was the one after he heard me preach. I will never forget the way he smiled at me from behind the church organ.